when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
