Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
