If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
