Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize