Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
