You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
