bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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