Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think i got beer on your cat.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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