I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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