I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
