I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
