finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
