insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
