There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
