Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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