Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
