Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
