census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
