you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
my poor anus
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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