I feel like abortions should bother me more
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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