Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
