She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
