Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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