He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
