yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
