where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
