I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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