garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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