He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
