Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
