so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
