Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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