is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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