I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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