His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
