It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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