How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
