we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
