I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
