woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
