The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
