I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
