I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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