Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
