Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
