upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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