Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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