I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
