New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
