You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
