I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
