why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
