Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize