Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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