Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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