My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
