Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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