Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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