one might say we're banned from that church
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
