Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you win again, gameday.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
