please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
