dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
