We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
