Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
