I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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