I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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