you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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