i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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