The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
