made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize