I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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