You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
