this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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