We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
