Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
