im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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