I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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