I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Let's get the cat blown out
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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