thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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