Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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