how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
