He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
