Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
