Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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