dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I wear drunk well.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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