I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
