if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
