So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
