Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize