i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
