You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Sext me about skeletons
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
