I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
