And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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