If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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