You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
