I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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