question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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