If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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