This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
