Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
