Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
"it" just moved
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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