Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
