I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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