this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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