Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize