when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
you never un-have a 4some
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
