Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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