Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize