I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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